"Anniversary" of Diagnosis

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares The Lord...."
Jeremiah 30:17


Sooooo..... today is September 23, 2014....
Exactly one year ago today I received a diagnosis of breast cancer.....inflammatory breast cancer.  I kept hearing the words "rare" and "aggressive" and I just knew how I interpreted those words.  Over the course of the last year I have re-evaluated my interpretation of those words.   I still don't like them, but my knowledge has grown as to what they can mean in the world of cancer. 
Bare with me as I am blatantly honest about some low moments, but I am happy to say that the good far outweighs the bad! :)

I thought today was going to be a tough day....mainly because there have been a few low moments in the last few days.  Last Thursday (Sept 18th) was the 'anniversary' date of the day I went to the doctor and had the mammogram, ultrasound, and 3 needle biopsies.  I still vividly remember everything about that day.  It was a tough one.  My doctor had told me that she was pretty sure that it was cancer but we had to wait 5 long days for the official diagnosis. I have been remembering things about those 5 days.  We went ahead and told family members and a few close friends.  I also told some of my coworkers.  I can still cry when I think about having to tell my girls and not being able to answer many of their questions.  I can remember my lowest moment during those days.   I was in the shower and just got weak in the knees and thought I was going to faint.  I remember wrapping up in a towel and just laying on the bathroom floor.  I prayed right then and there like I had never prayed before.  I prayed/pleaded for God to show me His grace and mercy.   These are some of the hard memories that have returned in the last few days.
Another difficult part of the last few days was hearing a message at church about forgiveness.  Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful and powerful message.  It was difficult to hear because it brought back more memories for me.  During my lowest and weakest time of chemotherapy, I had something happen in my life that hurt me worse than anything else has ever hurt me.  I have not been struggling with forgiving the ones who were involved, but I have been struggling with totally getting over the hurt.  The hurt goes deep.  It hurt me and it hurt my family.  It also hurt because of the timing that it happened.  It is not something that I deal with everyday, but it does still creep up on me sometimes.  I really needed to hear the message at church.  It provided me with additional strength and I know that the timing of it being preached was no accident. 

Now....on a good note!!!  This has been a wonderful day!!  Not at all like I had anticipated.  I have felt strong, happy, thankful, and blessed!  For each low moment that I have had in the past few days, there are 100 times as many positives and blessings to reflect on.   I am still just overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that we have been shown from the very beginning.  I also stand amazed by the goodness of the Lord and how He has blessed me and my family.  My love for Him has grown more than I ever thought it could!! 

I feel like the few days of low moments will once again be replaced by days of remembering the healing process, the love that we were shown, the blessings that God revealed to us, and the progress that was made in becoming cancer free!!  I allowed myself to reflect on the difficult days (which I think was necessary!!) but now I am ready to bounce back to my zero-negative zone!!

Some updates:

I am CANCER FREE! 
Believe it or not, sometimes I have a little trouble wrapping my brain around that!  It may not make sense but for some reason, after battling the cancer for months, it is not easy to flip the switch. 

Currently I am back at my school and this has been the smoothest beginning of any school year!  My hope and prayer is that it continues!  I am so happy to be back with my students and coworkers!
I am feeling strong and holding up to the demands of working everyday.  Thankfully I am not on my feet all day.  I have an ELMO in my classroom now which allows me to sit more!  It also allows me to instruct the students without having to raise my arm and write on the chalkboard!
While I have had to take naps after school sometimes, I am holding up and doing well!

I have been going to Physical Therapy twice a week since the beginning of August and it has helped tremendously!!  I still don't have full range of motion in my left arm but I am making progress!  Far more progress than if I didn't have PT.

My hair is growing back slowly but I am still wearing my wig.  I am ready to get things back to feeling as normal as possible.  Wearing a wig isn't necessarily my 'normal' but it makes me feel like I look more like myself than without it.  I have never had short hair so I am not ready to go without the wig.  Many people have encouraged me to just ditch the wig.  I just can't do it yet.  I will when I am ready.....or when my hair is long again!  haha!  It does seem to be coming in with some curl though!  Yay!

I am taking Metformin which is a diabetic medicine.  I am not diabetic but this medicine should help to lower the amount of sugar in my system.  Since cancer can feed on sugar, this is an option to possibly help fight the recurrence of cancer.

I had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist on September 2nd.  At that appointment I had a CT scan which came back good!  Praise the Lord!!  My blood work looked good as well.   I still have a slight tingling sensation in my legs at times which is a lingering side effect of chemotherapy.  My oncologist says that will eventually go away.  Other lingering side affects... 'chemo brain'.  I have had some absent minded moments and feelings of being in a fog.  (I am going to blame this on the chemo for as long as possible!!)
My next follow-up with my oncologist is December 2nd.

I have a follow-up appointment with my surgeon on October 3rd.  I think it will go well.  Everything has healed well since my surgery.  I look forward to talking with my surgeon though.  She is a great doctor and a huge source of encouragement!!

I need to lose weight.  I gained quite a bit of weight during the chemo treatments and taking steroids.  I haven't made losing weight a priority because I have been focused on other parts of healing.


Thank you friends for the continued prayers!  We are grateful!!

God is SO Good!  All the Time!!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6