Radiation Soon

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 12:12 

Tomorrow (April 30th) will be exactly 6 weeks since I had my surgery.  Everyday I am making progress which feels wonderful to report!  I am working on some arm exercises and getting closer and closer to being able to raise them straight up.  That is a big deal!  There was a window of time where I wondered if it would happen again.  I am still a little sore and not completely healed.  That could still take weeks or even months.

Last week on Monday (April 21st) I had a consultation appointment with the radiation oncologist.  I don't have a definite date that I will start radiation but I will get the process started next week on Tuesday, May 6th.  They will begin by doing a CT scan, set 'markers' for the radiation, and then do a 'dry run' to see if they are satisfied with where the markers are set. (From what I understand, this does not all happen on the same day)  After all of that I will be ready to begin with the radiation treatments.  I will have 33 treatments which should take 6 1/2 weeks going Monday through Friday except for any holidays.  I anticipate that this will take until the end of June but I do not know for sure yet.

I am continuing to get stronger everyday.  I have been trying to exercise and take long walks (my dog Max loves the long walks!).  My arms are still somewhat limited but hopefully that will not be for much longer!  I haven't had much success losing weight but I am trying to be patient with that.  My eyebrows and eyelashes continue to grow and the hair on my head is slowly growing (about 1/2 inch).   There is a big difference with how my fingernails look now.  Before my diagnosis, I would get fake nails because my real nails were very thin and curved under when they grew.  During chemo, my nails were very brittle and my fingertips looked almost claw-like which can be a normal side effect.  Now though, my nails are growing straight and they are very strong!! I am liking that very much!!  I am not yet to the point of calling them pretty nails, but they are most definitely prettier than in the past!!

Since surgery, I have had a few times where my emotions have gotten the best of me.  I know that it could be a lingering effect of the chemo and I also think that some of it is from finally being able to "exhale" after these last 7+ months. It usually doesn't last long, but wow, there are times that I cry so easily.  Usually I can link it to being tired but let this serve as a warning! Haha!  If you see me or are with me and I start crying, just keep acting normal and I will get it under control!!  You might have to tell me a joke first, but I WILL stop :)

I have been able to get out more and see people which has been wonderful!  I have been able to go to church and I have also been able to go back to my school for some partial days which has been great!  I have missed the students and my coworkers so much!  They have given me so much strength throughout everything I have been through.  They have also been there for each other.  This has been a tough year for my school not only with my diagnosis, but some of my coworkers have also faced some serious health issues.  Today another coworker became seriously ill.  I will not share details but I will ask that you pray for him as you have so diligently prayed for me!  Thank you!

May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

Colossians 1:11-12 

God is SO Good!  All the Time!

Progress Update :)

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

~Isaiah 41:10

Well it has been two and a half weeks since I had my surgery (March 19th).  It has been a lonnnngggggggg two and a half weeks.  I had to have the drainage tubes in for the full 2 weeks after surgery.  I got them out on Tuesday, April 1st.  One word - HALLELUJAH!!

Immediately after surgery I was feeling pretty good.  I was sore but not in a lot of pain.  It was this way for about 3 days and then I started feeling more and more pain and soreness.  That is when I finally started taking my pain medication which did help to take the edge off of the pain.  If I had to describe the pain, it would be like a burning, painful tingling feeling.  I think this is because of affected nerve endings.  Extremely sensitive to even the slightest touch.  A lot of this pain has been in the armpit area.  It has felt very tight and I have had limited arm movement.  My left arm has been far worse because this was the side where lymph nodes were removed.  Since the tubes have been out I have felt some improvement but I am still needing to take the pain medication and still have limited movement with my arms...mostly the left side.  (By the way, I am left handed....)  I have been told that it could take up to 2 months or more to get full mobility back in my arms.  I have some 'exercises' that I have been doing to try to help with this progress.

Despite all of this, I finally got out of the house! Riding in the car isn't fully comfortable but I was really ready to get out and about and have a sense of "normal"!  Last night Mike and I went out to eat and to the movies to see "God's Not Dead" which I HIGHLY recommend!  What a great movie!  I will probably go see it again sometime!   Tonight I am going to see Mandisa in concert!!!  I am so excited about this!  Her song 'Overcomer' has been a huge source of strength and comfort for me!!  Tomorrow I will be going to church!  I am also very excited about this!  In the last 6 months I have been watching the services through live streaming with the exception of 2 times that I got to actually go to the church for services.  I am so looking forward to being back!

Coming up next...
I will be starting radiation soon.  I am not sure of exact dates yet but it will probably be in around 2-3 weeks.  I will be doing that locally and I am pretty sure it will be in Mt. Vernon.  I do not know yet how long I will have to have radiation treatments.

The doctors were very pleased with the results of my pathology from the surgery.  The surgeon removed a 'pocket' of lymph nodes which ended up being 13 altogether.  Out of the 13 lymph nodes that were removed, 4 of them had been affected by the cancer.  Of these 4, they did find scattered microscopic unhealthy cancer cells.  That is not the ideal finding but they were encouraged by the fact that the cells were scattered (not clustered) and that they were unhealthy (the chemo had zapped them pretty good!).  But overall, these unhealthy scattered cells were removed during the surgery!!! THREE times my surgeon said that I was CANCER FREE!!  (I had her repeat it for me...I just wanted to hear it over and over!!)

After the radiation my doctors will continue to monitor me every couple months.  I am not eligible for a maintenance pill that some patients take for 5 years.  This is because of my triple negative diagnosis.  I can't really tell you what the triple negative means other than the cancer was not estrogen fed or hormone fed.  There is more to it but it is so over my head even though I tried to learn as much as I could.

My doctor does think I am a candidate for a study that is waiting to be approved by the FDA.  It will be up to me if I want to be a participant but that is several months in the future.  I will pray about it but I am not going to spend a lot of time thinking about it right now.

Doctors orders:  try to get things back to normal!  Of course it will be a new normal for me but it will be great to be back out in the real world again!  Other than the after effects of surgery I am feeling great!  I have taken several walks and feel like my legs have their strength back!  I need to get exercise from being so inactive for 6 months...the weight has changed more than I would like to admit.

My hair is starting (very slowly) to grow back.  I can see a few eyelashes on the top so there is progress being made!  It will take a while for all of this but that is okay!!  Hearing my surgeon say cancer free seems to make all of that other stuff very minimal!!

We are still very thankful for so much support!  For the 2 weeks after surgery we had meals delivered every single day from friends at church.  This was incredible and so kind!  Our Immanuel family knows how to live love and they have loved us so much!!

God is Good!!  All the Time!!

Surgery is Over!

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'
Isaiah 41:10 


Well the surgery is over!  Thank Goodness!  Praise the Lord!  I am SO thankful that this part of the process is over.  It really feels like a MAJOR step towards progress!!

I had the surgery last Wednesday (19th) and everything went well.  I was in the hospital overnight and got to come home on Thursday (20th).  I have been very surprised that I have not been in much pain.  I have a total of 3 drainage tubes that make me very sore and I have to move extremely slow.  I am wrapped up and have to keep it that way until I go back to the doctor on April 1st.  Everyday the drainage tubes have to be emptied 3 times.  That is not painful for the most part but can be uncomfortable.  They are attached just under my armpits.  Just imagine having that skin clamped and have to keep it that way 24/7...not comfortable at all.  We have had a home nurse come to help clean the area and just do an overall check-up.  She will be back a few more times.  I don't know if it is a possibility, but I am really hopeful that she will say the tubes are ready to be taken out sooner than my April 1st appointment.  Have I mentioned how uncomfortable the tubes are?!  Ughhhhh....!!  Ok enough of my whining!!  No matter what, I am taking one day at a time and am so thankful to have reached this point so successfully.  Here is a picture of what the drainage tubes look like. I have 2 on the left side and 1 on the right side (very bulky!).  There is a 'grenade' and the tubing.  You still cannot even see all of the tubing....

The surgeon seemed very pleased with how the surgery went.  She said that she did NOT see anything suspicious in the breast that had the cancer in it and that all of the tissue looked normal.  Hallelujah!!!!  She also removed one cluster of lymph nodes and said that they all looked normal except she could tell that one had been affected.  It didn't look like it had cancer but it was a little 'different' than the rest.  It wasn't something that she was alarmed or suspicious about.  I can't remember her exact words but she was very happy with what she saw, and with what she didn't see!!  This gave us a great deal of comfort!  They will still send everything to pathology and we will get a more detailed report when we go back to see her.  I just cannot say enough about my surgeon, Dr. Margenthaler.  She is wonderful!!

We have continued to receive such support and love from so many people.  Our meals have been taken care of by many of our church family/friends for the two weeks after the surgery.  This has been wonderful and so helpful!  And so delicious!!

I have not said much so far but I really have to brag on Mike and my girls, Kailey and Cassidy.  Throughout the entire process they have been such a source of strength.  I KNOW this has not been easy on them, but oh how they have made things easier for me.  Mike has juggled his work, my appointments, household work, and now taking care of these drainage tubes and bandages.  Even though many have helped us through everything there are just some things that only he can do (or he wants to do).  He has also done a lot of research about every phase of this process and remembers the details far better than I can!  The girls have also been so wonderful!  Dealing with this along with balancing college, jobs, and just being a young adult can not be an easy thing but you would never know it when you are around them.  Their faith has provided great strength and comfort for them but Mama Bear still worries that they are okay.  I hate that they have even had to go through this and I know that they wish I didn't have to go through any of it.  However, we all know that God has and will continue to bring great things from this experience.  As of the time of surgery, we have been battling breast cancer for 6 months.  We have all tried to stay positive and I think we have succeeded with this for the most part despite some unusual negative circumstances that have also occurred during this 6 month time period.  I have never blogged about those things and I won't go in to detail about them now either, but I just want to express how blessed I am to have Mike, Kailey, and Cassidy.  We are a team.  We go through everything together.  We will also celebrate victory together when this is all a distant memory!  I am proud of them for how they have given God the Glory every single day!  If you want to see a true picture of God's grace (giving what we don't deserve), and God's mercy (not giving what we do deserve), then look no further than my life.  I am well aware of how blessed I am and how God has blessed me with His grace and mercy!

I am still just overwhelmed with how people have shown us so much love throughout every single step of this journey!  I am thankful and forever grateful!  My next step should be radiation although I do not have any details about this yet.

Thank you everyone!

God is SO Good!!  All the Time!!

Some Fun Encouragement :)

Update
I am feeling better and better each day!  The aches and tingly feelings are very mild.  I have gotten out of the house twice this week to see my daughter cheer and it has been wonderful!!  I have also been able to see some friends at these games!  The goal for this weekend is to make it to Sunday School and church although now the weather might interfere with that.  We'll see!

My hair has not started growing back yet.  Neither have my eyebrows or eyelashes.  I tried to wear false eyelashes to one of the games that I went to.  It took me 45 minutes to get them on and then they looked terrible!! I almost washed one of them down the drain and by the time I was done with it, it no longer looked like eyelashes.  Needless to say, I did not wear the eyelashes!  

Video
I want to share this short video with everyone.  It is some of my students and coworkers having some fun.  They made it for me in hopes of making me smile and brightening my day which it definitely did!!  I am so blessed to work with these caring people!  They have gone out of their way to make me feel loved and missed and cared for and supported.  Truly a blessing!
I hope you will watch!  Even if you don't know anyone in it, consider how much joy it brought to me!  Such a kind gesture!  I haven't been able to see these people in months so it was truly a blessing!  I know they had fun putting it together too :)


1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing.

God is SO Good!  All the Time!

If you cannot view the video try clicking here:  Woodlawn Video :)

Surgery is Scheduled

I am really starting to feel good since my last treatment!  I had a couple of really down days where I had a lot of aches and tingling in my arms and legs.  Last Sunday (16th) I did not even get out of the bed other than to use the bathroom.  I still watched the live streaming services for church (which were wonderful!) but all I wanted was to lay down and rest (or sleep).  Monday was a little better.  I at least made it to the couch!   On Tuesday (18th) I had my consultation with the surgeon.  Although I still wasn't feeling the greatest on this day, the appointment went as ideal as I could have asked for it to go!!  I will explain a little later!  That night was a rough one with the aches and pain.  It was the first time throughout this entire process that I have taken Ibuprofen to get some relief.  I think it was from the amount of walking and standing I had done the day of my appointment.  Under normal circumstances it really would not have been a lot, but one week after a chemo treatment it was a great amount and I felt it during the night!  Wednesday I began to feel a little better and it has improved with each passing day!  Today (Friday) I still have mild aches and tingling but I am at least able to move around and get some things done.

Consultation with the Surgeon
My surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, March 19.  I know that is a long time away but they wait several weeks after your final chemo treatment in order to give your body a chance to recover and blood counts to get back to normal.

My surgeon recommended a mastectomy even though I have responded well to the chemo.  Mostly because of the type of cancer that I was diagnosed with.  We discussed reconstruction and plastic surgery and I have opted not to go that route.  It would add another 6-9 months to this whole process and I am just not interested.  I want things to be done and I am okay with having the breast removed.  This led to discussion about the other breast.  She asked what I wanted to do about that and I said to have it removed also.  So this means a double mastectomy without reconstruction or plastic surgery.  Yes that means I will be as flat as a board.  I have had a lot of time to think about what I would want and to prepare myself as much as possible.  I can change my mind anytime before surgery but I really don't see that happening.  Even years from now I can go back and have plastic surgery done, but again, I don't see it happening.   It will be an adjustment for sure but there are a lot of products out there that I can wear to feel 'normal' if I choose to.  I think my peace of mind will be greater as far as lowering my chances for the cancer to return or develop in the other breast had I chosen to keep it.  This may not be what a lot of people would have chosen for their body but in the end it is my choice for my body and it was not made hastily.  I have prayed throughout everything for guidance and direction.  Discussion and decisions that happened at this appointment felt so comfortable and right that I cannot help but feel it was how I was being led to discern things.  I will continue to pray about it and I know that if it is not the right decision that God will reveal it to me.  So far I am very much at peace and sleeping wonderfully!!

The surgeon also still wants me to have radiation.  She said that would be about a month after surgery.


We continue to be amazed at how much love and support we have been given through everything!  We are so thankful for the prayers and still welcome them during this next part of the journey!

Praising God for His steadfast Hand guiding us and holding us every single second of this entire process!

I know Who goes before me
I know Who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side.
The One who reigns forever
He is a Friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side!

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding onto Your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful
You are faithful!


The God of angel armies is always by my side.
(Whom shall I fear)

God is SO Good!  All the Time!

LAST CHEMO TREATMENT!!

Well the day finally arrived!!!  My LAST chemo treatment!  HALLELUJAH!!  What a wonderful day this has been!  Somewhat emotional too!!  Everything went great and I got to ring the bell!! (Video below).  Then on my way home from St. Louis my wonderful Woodlawn school peeps gave me a wonderful surprise!!!  I bawled the whole time! (2nd video below!!).  I have also included a 3rd video of mainly screenshots of snapchats, text messages, and some facebook posts.  (My daughter has dubbed me the queen of screenshots...I won't deny it!!)   These are not nearly all that I have received (or screen shotted!) but I picked out some for this video.  I did not include any facebook messages or comments and there have been many of those too!  I wasn't going to put other people on this blog but I just couldn't help it!!  So many have been so supportive and wonderful!  And again, there are SO many more messages that I have received!!  (Please don't be offended if I didn't include you or a message you sent!)

It has been a true blessing!!  Army of prayer warriors!! And....I just want to add that I pray for you warriors!!  My last couple of regular posts (before today) on facebook (not blogs), have received a lot of 'likes' and comments.  I just want you to know that I prayed for each person individually and specifically.  It took some time, but I have had a great deal of time :)
I tell you this not so you will always like my posts (because I always pray for ANYONE who is supporting and praying for me and my family!!), but instead just so you know that someone has spent time in prayer just for you!!  I know how good it is to hear that someone has thought of you and prayed for you!
Today's response has been overwhelming!!  I absolutely plan to spend some time in prayer for each of you showing the support!!  Again, not trying to get 'likes' haha!!  Just thankful, soooooo thankful for you all!!

What's next?
In one week I will have a consultation appointment with my surgeon.  That is all I know right now regarding the next step!!  I am assuming that we will discuss options and schedule a date for surgery which should be fairly soon.  I also have a follow up appointment with my oncologist in six weeks, assuming I have had surgery by then.  That appointment could change.

It has been a long chemo journey so far (1st treatment was on October 8th), but now we are moving on to the next part of the journey.  I know you are all on this journey with me and my family!  THANK YOU!!

God is SO Good!  All the Time!


Here are the 3 videos!  I hope you will watch all 3 if you have about 11 minutes :)

RINGING THE BELL!

*** If you had trouble viewing this video, try clicking here: 
 Ringing the Bell!

WOODLAWN SCHOOL SURPRISE :)

***If you had trouble viewing this video, try clicking here:

    Woodlawn School Surprise :)    

          

SOME PICS THROUGHOUT DIAGNOSIS  & CHEMO    :) 

***If you had trouble viewing this video, try clicking here:
Pics Throughout Diagnosis & Chemo

An Update and An Overdue Thank You

I am,
Holding on to You.
I am,
Holding on to You.
In the middle of the storm,
I am Holding on,
I am!

Update

It has been almost 2 weeks since my last treatment.  I have one more week until I go again.  I am scheduled to have a treatment on Tuesday, February 11th which is supposed to be my LAST treatment!!  Yay!!!  Do you notice how I am leaving things open?!  I am getting better at being ready for anything that might cause scheduled things to change!  But I am still very hopeful that everything will go as scheduled!  I am ready to ring that bell :)

For the most part I have been doing really well for the last 2 weeks.  The first few days I was on steroid pills so I felt good.  Around day 4 after the treatment though I felt very achy and tingly in my arms, legs, and back.  It didn't last long in my back thank goodness!  But it has taken longer to lighten up in my arms and legs.  Today it is still there but not nearly like it was.  I feel good enough to be up moving around and even doing some laundry!  With each day that passes it seems to get less and less which is a good thing.  I am hoping that means that my blood counts are getting better and better!

Within the last 2 weeks though I have pretty much lost my eyebrows.  There might be 8 hairs on each side! My eyelashes are thinning as well.  I would not be surprised if they are all gone in a week when I go back for that final treatment.  My thoughts about all of this?  Well of course it stinks, but it also means that the treatment is working and doing what it is supposed to be doing!!  That is what I try to keep as my focus.  The chemo is working!!!  The hair will grow back and I am lucky that it took so long before my eyebrows and eyelashes were affected!

About a week ago I called to check on the roommate I had while in the hospital.  She was doing well and should have gotten her 2nd chemo treatment last Thursday (Jan 30th).  I am hopeful it went well and will probably call her again soon.  She was still so thankful for all of the support from my wonderful army of prayer warriors!!

We have been very blessed with support, kindness, and prayers from so many people!  Thank you friends!

God is SO Good!  All the Time!

Overdue Thank You!

Love like this, Oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

I am sorry it has taken me so long to post about this but I really want to thank my coworkers and students at WGS along with the communities of Woodlawn and Sesser!
On December 18, 2013 they planned a Pink Out basketball game for me with BBQ dinners and very nice raffle gift baskets.  Keep in mind that this is one week before Christmas when things can be crazy busy and these people gave of their time and of their money!  Woodlawn sponsored the event but the Sesser community donated a raffle basket and many also came to eat the dinner and participate in the Pink Out.  I have truly been touched at the generosity of so many people!!  Although I was unable to attend the event, I was able to FaceTime during the dinner and see so many friends which was wonderful!!  I also received several pictures and snapchats of the event so I could still "participate" and feel like I was there!  This was so wonderful and I cannot even say enough about the generosity of these people!

I have kept things somewhat general by not showing pictures of the Pink Out or giving the names of people who worked so hard at putting it together.  Throughout all of my blogs I have not named people specifically because 1) I would want their permission first even though I doubt anyone would mind, and 2) I don't ever want the possibility of inadvertently leaving someone out!
So instead I am just giving a HUGE shout out of thanks to those who were involved in any way!!  They know who they are and they know how AWESOME I think they are!  I am very fortunate to have such giving coworkers and students, and to work in such a caring community!!  Thank you again WGS, Woodlawn, and Sesser!  (and anyone else involved!!)


I am still hooked on the David Crowder song so I am sharing it again!
The link and the lyrics! :)

Click here to hear the song :)

"I Am"

There’s no space that His love can’t reach
There’s no place that we can’t find peace
There’s no end to Amazing Grace
Take me in with your arms spread wide
Take me in like an orphan child
Never let go, never leave my side.

I am,
Holding on to You.
I am,
Holding on to You.
In the middle of the storm,
I am Holding on,
I am!

Love like this, Oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why it's to You I run
This is my Resurrection Song
This is my Hallelujah Come
This is why it's to You I run
There’s no space that His love can’t reach
There’s no place that we can’t find peace
There’s no end to Amazing Grace!

This song makes me want to do a Hallelujah happy dance!

Listen to it!  It will put a smile on your face and hopefully a peaceful feeling in your heart :)